Medical jokes

When he walked into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and medical equipment attached to the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and asked, 'How ya doing?'

The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand. 'You want that?' the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes. So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write. All of a sudden the deacon died.

At his funeral, the preacher was asked to deliver the service. 'He was a good man and I'll never forget him,' the preacher said, 'I was with him when he died and as a matter of fact I have his last thought in my coat pocket here.'

The preacher reaches into his pocket and pulls out the paper. 'Please, get up! You're kneeling on my oxygen hose!'

The telephone rings and an answering machine answers... "Welcome to the psychiatric hotline." If you are obsessive compulsive, please press one repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid/delusional, we know who you are, what you want, just stay on the line so that we can trace your call.

If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If your are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press....no one will answer any way.

A: To draw blood.

'What a coincidence,' the man said with some obvious pride. 'I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.'

The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, 'You sir, are the father of triplets.'

'Wow, That's really an incredible coincidence ' he answered. 'I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."

An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back, this time she turn to the thirrd man -- who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.

Stunned, he barely could reply. 'Don't tell me! Another coincidence?' asked the nurse. After finally regaining his composure, he said 'I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!'

After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and after some time, he slowly regained consciousness. When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again.

'I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers... 'I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers... 'I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers...'