Medical jokes

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helen keller's broken arm
 
 
How did Helen Keller break her arms?

Trying to read road signs at forty M.P.H.

won't be needing these nikes anymore
 
 
A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room asks the doctor if he'll be okay. The doctor turns to him and says, "Well, there is good and bad news."

"Tell me the bad news" says the man.

"Well," says the doctor, "the bad news is that we are going to half to cut both your legs off."

"Oh my God," cries the man, "what the hell is the good news?"

"The good news is," replies the doctor, "see that man over there? He wants to buy your shoes."

hot temper-ature
 
 
A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.

After the nurse inserted the thermometer, she announced, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I haven't. Not with a carnation anyway."

little big fart
 
 
There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it wouldn't come out.

So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, 'Big chief, no fart.'

The doctor gives him a can of beans and tells him to come back tommorrow to tell him what happened.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, 'Big chief, no fart.'

The doctor gives him 10 cans of beans this time.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, 'Big chief, no fart.' The doctor gives him 100 cans of beans.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, 'Big chief, no fart.'

The doctor gives him 10, 000 cans of beans and says, 'If this doesn't work then nothing will.'

The messenger boy comes back the next day and looks at the doctor.

The doctor anxiously asked, 'Well, did it work?'

The messenger boy says, 'Big fart, no chief!"


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