Medical jokes

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.

"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.

"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.

"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."

Did you hear that nursing homes are starting to give Viagra to the old men living there?

It's to keep them from rolling out of bed.

A man notices a peculiar rash on his chest. The rash continues to get worse and worse, so the man decides to see a doctor. He goes in to the clinic where the staff runs a battery of tests. After several minutes, the doctor comes back in the room and says, “Sir, I've got good news and bad news. What would you like first?”

“Well,” says the man, “I can take it. Give me the bad news first.”

“The rash you have is going to get worse. It will travel throughout your body, eventually even making it to your internal organs. It is a terminal disease, and my guess is you have 30 days to live.”

“My God!” says the patient. “What's the good news?!”

“Well,” says the doctor, “Did you see that beautiful receptionist, the one with the big boobs and the nice butt? I'm dating her!”

A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up. The doctor finishes the exam and tells the man, "I have some bad news, you only have have about two weeks left to live".

The man is shocked. He asks the doctor, "Is there is any thing that he could do to make the time that I have left more tolerable?"

The doctor thinks for a moment. "There is one thing that you could do".

"Just name it, I'll do whatever it is". He tells the man to take alot of mud baths, two or three a day.

The man looks at his doctor asks, "Will that help my condition"?

The doctor says, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."