News And Politics jokes

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important question
How do you keep a terrorist from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

jenna's predicament

Do we really wonder why Jenna Bush is always high?
Do we wonder why she's sad?
No, we all know why - it's dad.

Jenna's tried to understand
Why he's "King" of all the land
Why some thought it not that odd
to treat him like some sort of "God."

"Sure dad's mind's a little queer...
(I'll just finish up this beer.)
And I know his thinking's off,
(Do we have anymore Smirnoff?)"

"Every Saturday Night he's there
being laughed at, it's not fair,
I, Somewhere, have to draw the line
(Excuse me, can I have some wine?)"

"I never really had a voice
in where I lived, I had no choice
Nobody ever called me dumb
(I think we're almost out of rum.)"

"Whenever Dad opens his mouth
I feel like heading back down South
He just gets dumber by the hour;
(Can you make me a Whiskey Sour?)" "Oh, well, I guess I've said enough
"(Hey, wait, I didn't get a Puff!!)"
I know some think I've gone too far
(I really need to buy a car!!)"

"These Secret Service Guys are fun
they even mix the coke and rum
FOr all my friends they run the bar
perhaps they'll let me use their car!!"

"Four years will probably go by fast
If I can just stop being harrassed
I need to live the way I oughta...
(I think I'll have a Pina Colloda!!)"

"So keep your cameras off of me and try your best to leave me be
or you will see. I get quite mean
(especially when I drink Jim Bean!!)"

goverment wrestling federation

13> Driving your fellow Congressman into the turnbuckle now considered acceptable method of ending a filibuster.

12> President now shouts entire State of the Union address with his face 18 inches from TV camera.

11> IRS audit replaced by more efficient reverse body slam onto enema.

10> Government becomes a charade of meaningless noises and lots of posturing by a bunch of inarticulate losers with no class or manners-- Hey, wait a minute...

9> Free school lunches destined for the needy instead go to the biggest, meanest, stupidest kid in each school.

8> Sex scandals now involve even skankier women.

7> January 20: Inauguration ceremonies January 21: FDA approves over-the-counter sale of steroids.

6> Newt Gingrich is finally able to wear his mask and cape out of the house.

5> During House debate, it is acceptable to yield to the gentleman wielding a folding chair.

4> Difficult finding interns willing to accommodate an entire pouch of Skoal.

3> Strom Thurmond *finally* removed by The Undertaker.

2> Line to bodyslam Ken Starr winds around Lincoln Memorial.

1> Before: Mr. Vice President After: Stone Cold Cheney


tickle me dirty politics
In Washington D.C. they ran out Tickle Me Elmo dolls, so now they have Fondle Me Packwood dolls.

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