News And Politics jokes

One day Saddam Hussein was walking in the desert and he stubbed his toe on some hard object. He bent over to pick it up and a Genie popped out.

"Oh great," Saddam said, "I don't have time for this Genie nonsense."

"Oh wait," said the Genie, "You have to let me grant you three wishes or I'll be trapped in that stupid lamp for another ten thousand years."

"Ok" said Saddam, so he wished that the Genie would give him three American women.

So the next morning when he woke up, after the Genie had realized who this man was and after the Genie had granted the wishes, Tanya Harding, Garcella Bevoux, and Hillary Clinton layed next to him. His knee was bashed in, his penis was gone, and he had no health insurance.

10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel
9. People never refer to you as "The crazy one in the family"
8. On weekends, you get to bring home weapons of mass destruction
7. Don't want to clean your room? Threaten to tell the United States dad's exact location
6. Play your cards right and in 10 years you'll be torturing the Iraqi people
5. Unique chance to observe a tyrannical madman up close
4. Big inheritance when U.S. troops finally kill your stepfather
3. Father-son bonding over 3am prank calls to U.N. weapons inspectors
2. You can get first pick of the police auction's seized and repossessed camels
1. Get to call Bin Laden "Uncle Osama"

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"

His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capatilism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."

So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his daiper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad i know what you mean now."

"You do? Tell me."

"OK, while capatilism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on!!!"

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"