News And Politics jokes

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul-up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil who acknowledged the error. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem. The next day, the Pope was sent off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down. They stopped to chat.

"Sorry about the mix-up" said the Pope. "Though I'm really excited about going to heaven."

"Why's that?"

"I've always wanted to meet the Virgin Mary."

"You're about a day late."

What's the difference between one of Saddam's palaces and a 50 cent's house?

You know your'e going to find weapons in 50 cent's house.

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.)

--Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put a down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take out any staples in the right side.

--Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even facing the right way.  Put a few upside down and backwards. That way they have to remove all your staples rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it (on the left side).

--Line the bottom of your envelope with Elmer's glue and let it dry before you put in your forms, so that the automated opener doesn't open it and the extractor has to open it by hand.

--If your very unfortunate and have to pay taxes use a two or three party check.

--On top of paying with a three party check pay one of the dollars you owe in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter how small an amount, he has to take it to a special desk and fill out of few nasty forms.

--Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received has to read and stamped regardless of what it is or what it's on.

--Write your letter on something misshapen and unconventional. Like on the back of a Kroger sack.

--When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if its just a single EZi form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differently than regular business size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they take priority over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with your mess.

--If you send 2 checks they'll have to staple your unsightly envelope to your half destroyed form.

--Always put extra paper clips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners or the like have to be removed and put away.

--Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to verified and then date stamped.

NOTE: These are just a few of the fun and exciting things you can do with The Man. These methods are only recommended when you owe money