News And Politics jokes

Curators at India's Baroda Museum reported irreparable damage to a priceless 3,000-year-old mummy, done by an overzealous cleaning person who apparently opened the mummy's case and vacuumed the body. The vacuum removed ancient dust, peeled toe paint, sucked off part of the nose, and loosened bandages.

An anti-logging protester from radical Earth First! was killed near Fortuna, CA, when one of the trees fell on him.

In an unconfirmed report, a spokesperson for the Italian Gattinoni fashion house announced Monica Lewinsky has agreed to model a blue two-piece suit there during an October “Roma Outsize” fashion show in Milan. She'll supposedly get $470,000, half of which will go to charity.... Gattinoni recently unveiled a flesh-colored skin-tight “condom dress” decorated with Viagra pills.

Saturday in Beaumont TX a 20-minute halftime brawl erupted between the Southern University and Prairie View A&M marching bands as the formations passed each other. Three people were taken to the hospital, four $5,000 tubas were bent, and one saxophone plus several pieces of uniform were reported missing.

Avon is finally eschewing its all-door-to-door selling strategy and starting retail discount outlets.

October's National Geographic will be the magazine's first with a scent strip. It's a scientific recreation of Cleopatra's perfume.

On the first day of school in Houston, a teacher decided to get to know the kids by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living.

The first little girl said: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."

The next little boy said: "I'm Andy and my dad is a mechanic."

Then another little boy said: "My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject, but later in the schoolyard the teacher approached Jimmy privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar.

The kid blushed and said, "I'm sorry, but my dad is an auditor for Arthur Andersen and I was just too embarrassed to say so."

What's white, slimy, and horny all over?

Gary Condit!

Two smart, attractive, well-educated young law graduates, Sally and Edith, were competing for a prestigious job.
As part of the job interview, each was asked why she wanted the job. Edith answered that she wanted to work for a firm with a reputation of being concerned with truth and justice.

When it was her turn, Sally simply opened her purse, took out a rather thin wallet and laid it on the senior partner's desk. "I want to fatten it up as fast as possible," she said. Sally got the job.