News And Politics jokes

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adam and eve
Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in. A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates.

"Who was the first man?" asked Peter.


"That's correct. Enter." Soon another man came along.

"Where did Adam and Eve live?"


That's correct. Enter." Then Mother Theresa came along.

"Ooh, I'll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?"

"Mmm, that IS a hard one."


prime minister's wife makes a faux pas
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"

"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.

A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next.

Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, 'appiness!'"

a moral dilemma
Here's a dilemma...

With all your honor and dignity, what would you do?  Please don't answer without giving it serious thought.  By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other.  Please scroll down slowly and consider each line- this is important for the test to work accurately.

You're in Florida... in Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of  water all over you. You are a news photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.  You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power.  

Suddenly you see a man in the water, fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.  

Suddenly you know who it is -- it's George W. Bush!  

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever.  You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

And here's the question (please give an honest answer):

  Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

visitors from space meet the lapd
Two aliens land on the earth, near L.A. They get out of their aircraft, take their scanners, and start exploring their surroundings. After walking for a while, they suddenly see a L.A.P.D. cop lying in the middle of the road.

So the first alien says, "UX251, do you see the object on the ground?"

"Yes," answers the other, "what could it be?"

"I don't know, UX251, pass the scanner and see if we can retrieve some data on it."

So they scan the object. "No data available, UZ11, what will we do now?"

The alien thinks for a while, picks up the cap, and puts it on his head. "What could this object possibly be?" asks the other one. "I don't know you weirdo," says the alien, "but I sure feel like beating the crap out of you."

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