News And Politics jokes

"If you are ferocious in battle, remember to be magnanimous in victory, we go to liberate, not to conquer.

We are entering Iraq to free a people, and the only flag that will be flown in that ancient land is their own. Don't treat them as refugees, for they are in their own country. If there are casualties of war, then remember, when they woke up and got dressed in the morning they did not plan to die this day. Allow them dignity in death. Bury them properly and mark their graves. You will be shunned unless your conduct is of the highest, for your deeds will follow you down history. Iraq is steeped in history. It is the site of the Garden of Eden, of the Great Flood and the birth of Abraham. Tread lightly there."

The US speech :

"When the president says 'Go', look out - it's hammer time"

(followed by "We Will Rock You" at high volume)

Do we really wonder why Jenna Bush is always high?
Do we wonder why she's sad?
No, we all know why - it's dad.

Jenna's tried to understand
Why he's "King" of all the land
Why some thought it not that odd
to treat him like some sort of "God."

"Sure dad's mind's a little queer...
(I'll just finish up this beer.)
And I know his thinking's off,
(Do we have anymore Smirnoff?)"

"Every Saturday Night he's there
being laughed at, it's not fair,
I, Somewhere, have to draw the line
(Excuse me, can I have some wine?)"

"I never really had a voice
in where I lived, I had no choice
Nobody ever called me dumb
(I think we're almost out of rum.)"

"Whenever Dad opens his mouth
I feel like heading back down South
He just gets dumber by the hour;
(Can you make me a Whiskey Sour?)" "Oh, well, I guess I've said enough
"(Hey, wait, I didn't get a Puff!!)"
I know some think I've gone too far
(I really need to buy a car!!)"

"These Secret Service Guys are fun
they even mix the coke and rum
FOr all my friends they run the bar
perhaps they'll let me use their car!!"

"Four years will probably go by fast
If I can just stop being harrassed
I need to live the way I oughta...
(I think I'll have a Pina Colloda!!)"

"So keep your cameras off of me and try your best to leave me be
or you will see. I get quite mean
(especially when I drink Jim Bean!!)"

How to surrender in at least 10 languages.