memento
A guy goes to his doctor because he's been having problems remembering things. After a battery of tests the doctor says, "Unfortunately, I have bad news, and I have very bad news."
"What's the very bad news?" the man asks warily.
"Well," says the doctor, "our tests show that you have cancer and only have three weeks to live."
"Oh, my God!" says the man. "Well, what's the bad news?"
"Our tests indicate that you also have Alzheimer's disease," says the doc.
"Well, I can always look on the bright side," says the man. "At least I don't have cancer!"
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difference!
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?
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You come in one and you go in the other!
shaggy duck story
What did one duck say to the other?
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What?
"Social Security!"
I don't get it.
You won't till you're 65...
mixed breed
What do you get if you breed a pitbull terrier with Lassie?
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A dog that will chew your arm off but then run for help!
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