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dear abby: my husband is a liar and a cheat
 
 
Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning. When I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse is everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating!

Also, since he lost his job two years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is sit around the living room in his underwear and watch TV while I work to pay the bills.

And since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian.

What should I do?

Signed, Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Dump him. You're a New York Senator now. You don't need him anymore.

Abby

heaven's shining waters
 
 
George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven, and the angel said, "You must cross this river and we will judge how much you have sinned based on how far you sink."

Dubya goes first and gets up to his neck, but makes it across. He looks back and sees Al Gore walking on the water. He appeals to the angel saying, "He's sinned as much as I have, what gives?"

The angel says, "He's standing on Clinton's shoulders!"

bin laden vs custer
 
 
What do Osama bin Laden and Custer have in common?

They both wondered where all those tomahawks were coming from.

condit arrest
 
 
What will the FBI say when they go to Gary Condit's house to arrest him?

"Mr. Condit, come out with your pants up!"


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