News And Politics jokes

Gary Condit looks up from his desk to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" yells the Congressman.

"It's this abortion bill, Mr. Condit. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks.

"Just go ahead and pay it," responds the Congressman.

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God immediately recognizes him and says to him "Bill Gates -- you're a great man. I shall give you a choice of either heaven or hell." Bill Gates tells God that he would like to see both before making a decision.

So God takes Bill Gates down to Hell, where there are beautiful, nubile bikini models, perfect weather, free drinks, and eternal happiness. "That doesn't seem so bad," says Gates. "Let's see Heaven now." God and Gates go to Heaven, which seems to be just a bunch of old, crusty angels flying around and sitting on a few clouds. "I've made my decision," says Gates. "I choose Hell."

Six months later, God goes down to Hell to check on him and finds him hanging above a pit of fire with wild harpies tearing out his intestines. "What happened to all the bikini models and the sun and the fun?" Gates screams. "Oh, that," says God. "That was just the demo."

Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?

Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

Was Gary Condit's sexual conduct the same as Bill Clinton's?

Close, but no cigar.