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you're so ugly... doctor 2
 
 
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor looked at your mom and said, 'This is going to cost extra if I have to touch its ass.'
miracle drug
 
 
So this lady goes to her doctor and explains that her husband can't get it up like he used to and their sex life is suffering. The doctor asks, "Have you heard of a new drug named Zyban?" The lady says yes, but adds that her husband refuses to take pills of any kind, and certainyl won't take anything that "will make him feel like less of a man." The doctor advises the woman to slip it into his morning coffee when he isn't looking. The woman is nervous, but the doctor insists, "it will cange your life within a day," os she figures she'd better try it.

A week goes by and the lady shows back up at the doctor's office and the doctor asks her how it went. The lady heaves a tremedous sigh and explains, "I snuck it into his coffee like you said. And, sure enough, within 15 minutes, he cleared off the table, threw me on it and we had the best sex we'd had in 20 years." Perplexed, the doctor asks, "What's wrong with that?" And the lady schakes her head and says, "I don't think i'll be able to show my face at McDonalds again."

the sex change
 
 
There was a successful doctor who had an office in a small midwestern town. He decided that he wasn't happy with his life and needed a change, so he went and got himself a sex change operation.

A couple of weeks later he returned to his practice. His secretary wondered why it took him so long to return. 'Well, it hurt alot more than I thought it would.'

Then she asked him, 'What part hurt the most? Was it when they cut off your penis or when they pumped you full of air to make your breasts that big?'

He said 'Well, that hurt, but not bad enough to keep me at home for so long. What hurt the most was when they drilled a hole in my head and pumped out half of my brains!'

in his image
 
 
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

She was released from the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?! Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."


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