News And Politics jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pat Buchanan answers this question: "To steal a job from a decent , hard-working American."

Dr. Seuss answers this question: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why? It's not been told."

Grandpa answers this question: "In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us."

And Colonel Sanders answers this question: "I missed one?"

Yo mama's so stupid, she voted for George Bush, and meant to.

There were five people on a crashing air plane. Britney Spears, George W. Bush, Pavarotti, the Pope, and a boy scout. There were only four parachutes, not enough for the five important people on board, so they had to decide who would be left. President Bush said he should go first since he is the president of the greatest country in the world. So he jumps and lands safely. Then Pavarotti says that he has the greatest voice in the world so jumps and parachutes to safety. Britney Spears says she's a role model for young girls, a sex icon, and the smartest woman in the world so she jumps out. Then the Pope says to the little boy scout, "I am old and feeble and I don't have much longer to live...You must take the last parachute." The boy scout replies, "We can both take a parachute because the smartest woman in the world took my backpack."

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT

Do we really wonder why Jenna Bush is always high?
Do we wonder why she's sad?
No, we all know why - it's dad.

Jenna's tried to understand
Why he's "King" of all the land
Why some thought it not that odd
to treat him like some sort of "God."

"Sure dad's mind's a little queer...
(I'll just finish up this beer.)
And I know his thinking's off,
(Do we have anymore Smirnoff?)"

"Every Saturday Night he's there
being laughed at, it's not fair,
I, Somewhere, have to draw the line
(Excuse me, can I have some wine?)"

"I never really had a voice
in where I lived, I had no choice
Nobody ever called me dumb
(I think we're almost out of rum.)"

"Whenever Dad opens his mouth
I feel like heading back down South
He just gets dumber by the hour;
(Can you make me a Whiskey Sour?)" "Oh, well, I guess I've said enough
"(Hey, wait, I didn't get a Puff!!)"
I know some think I've gone too far
(I really need to buy a car!!)"

"These Secret Service Guys are fun
they even mix the coke and rum
FOr all my friends they run the bar
perhaps they'll let me use their car!!"

"Four years will probably go by fast
If I can just stop being harrassed
I need to live the way I oughta...
(I think I'll have a Pina Colloda!!)"

"So keep your cameras off of me and try your best to leave me be
or you will see. I get quite mean
(especially when I drink Jim Bean!!)"