Gross jokes

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Gross


dj's first day of school
 
 
Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school at the end of the day, she anxiously asked him how his day went.

'Well, I came top of the class in Math, I made a touchdown in football, and I had sex with the teacher.'

'What! How dare you! Get into your room and wait till your father gets home!' Little DJ goes to his room, and when his father comes home, DJ's mom tells his father, 'I'm absolutely disgusted with DJ. He said he came top of the class in Math, made a touchdown in football, and had sex with the teacher!'

'That's my boy' thinks his Dad. So he goes upstairs to talk to DJ. 'Don't worry about your Mom. She's a bit upset, but it sounds to me like you had an awesome day at school. In fact, I'm so pleased, you know that bicycle I said I was going to buy you for Christmas, I think I'll get it for you this weekend.'

'Oh no, Dad, don't. I don't think I'll be able to sit down for a while.'

fingers
 
 
A man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally sawed off all ten fingers. He quicky rushed to the emergency room. The doctor there told him, “Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do'.”

“But I don't have the fingers!”

“What! You don't have the fingers!?” said the doctor, “You should have brought them to me. We have all kinds of operations we could have done like microsugery and stuff. We could have put them back as good as new.”

“But Doc, I couldn't pick them up.”

interesting appearance. not normal
 
 
I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears. What am I?

Ugly!

genie-wine
 
 
While he was rooting around in the basement, a man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie emerged in a huge cloud of pink smoke.

"I am the all-powerful genie. I shall grant you one wish." The man thought about this, and decided that if there was one thing he couldn't get enough of, it was wine.

"I wish I could pee wine. That's my wish."

"Granted." And the genie disappeared. Later that day, the man's wife came home to find her husband naked, holding a glass.

"Why only one glass?" asked her wife.

"You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."


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