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still together
One man says, 'You mean they are still together after all that crap?'

The other man says, 'Who?'

First man says, 'Your butt cheeks!'

seek and ye shall find...
On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver's ear.

She said, 'Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!' The driver didn't think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.

Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, 'Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!' This time, he figured he'd better look into it.

A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to find out if they knew what was going on.

He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him. 'Excuse me sir, could I help you?'

The elderly man looked up and said, 'Well, sonny you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it..."

The man continued, "I thought I'd located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine is parted on the side!'

vampires in a bar
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, 'I'll have a pint of blood.'

The second one says, 'I'll have one, too.'

The third one says, 'I'll have a pint of plasma.'

The bartender says, 'So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?'

men with no arms or legs
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.

On the wall? Art.

On the floor? Matt.

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