Gross jokes

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a prayer before dying
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
chillin' biddies
One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.

The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one's arm was too short to reach.

the bottom line
A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon.

All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink.

The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?"

The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips."

The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?"

Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."

animal house
Q: How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?

A: 10 little piggies, one ass, two calves, one pussy, and some crabs on hares.

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