Gross jokes

A man walks into a pub and sits down at a table. He notices a leper at the side of the bar. He orders a shot and then throws up. Next he orders a beer, drinks the beer and throws up. He does this for several more drinks when finally the leper comes over to his table and says, 'I'm sorry if my appearance is making you feel ill.' The man replies, 'No, it's not you, it's the man sitting next to you dipping his chip in your neck.'

The only difference between your face and a bag of crap is the bag.

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.