Gross jokes

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troubled man
 
 
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her -- but he can't.

Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help.

So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, 'Don't worry. I got him with the door!'

late cannibal
 
 
Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner?

His wife gave him the cold shoulder!

smokin' dope
 
 
Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail."

So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday.

So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did.

'I got 17 people to get off drugs,' says the first guy.

'Wow, how'd you do that?' asks the judge.

'I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.'

'Oh, that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.'

'Wow. How'd you do that?' asked the judge.

'Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your butthole before prison...'

that fly
 
 
What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield?

His Butt!


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