Gross jokes

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late cannibal
Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner?

His wife gave him the cold shoulder!

smokin' dope
Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail."

So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday.

So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did.

'I got 17 people to get off drugs,' says the first guy.

'Wow, how'd you do that?' asks the judge.

'I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.'

'Oh, that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.'

'Wow. How'd you do that?' asked the judge.

'Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your butthole before prison...'

that fly
What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield?

His Butt!

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where :) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :-) and :-( respectively. Well, how about some "ass-cons"? Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_._) a flat ass

(_^_) a bubble ass

(_*_) a sore ass

(_!__) a lop-sided ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_O_) an ass that's been around even more

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_o^o_) a wise ass

(_13_) an unlucky ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

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