Gross jokes

A man goes to his doctor and says, 'Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I've got a problem.' The doctor examines the man and finds the man has a red ring around his penis. The doctor gives him an ointment to rub on the problem area.

'It's all cleared up!' the man reports when he returns. 'But what was that medication you gave me?'

'Lipstick remover.'

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to personally escort the man around so he can choose the section of hell he would like to be in. The first section has everybody being burned constantly and getting a glass of water every 7 hours. The second section has everybody working hard and getting a glass of water every three hours. The last section has everybody kneedeep in crap.

"Well, this doesn't look too bad -- and it beats being burned or working. I'll take the crap."

"Okay," says the devil. "Everybody back on their heads."

You might be a redneck if last year you hid Easter eggs under cowpies!

Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder?

A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!