Gross jokes

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church
 
 
One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother go to church. Halfway through, the little girl tells her mother she's going to be sick. Her mother tells her to go in the bushes behind the church. The girl leaves and comes back after about five minutes. Her mother asks her if she threw up.

'Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way 'round the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'

it's not for him, stupid
 
 
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.

"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

growing old
 
 
Three old men were sitting on a porch.

"I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one.

"I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another.

"I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."

troubled man
 
 
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her -- but he can't.

Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help.

So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, 'Don't worry. I got him with the door!'


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