Gross jokes

A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital.

"How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, 'May I borrow a highlighter?'
2. 'Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that.'
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. 'Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.'
5. 'Damn, this water is cold.'
6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
7. 'Now how did that get there?'
8. 'Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.'
9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,'Whoa! Easy boy!!'
10. ' Interesting....more sinkers than floaters'
11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,'Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
12. 'C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
13. 'Boy, that sure looks like a maggot'
14. 'Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?'
15. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
16. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your 'Cross-Dressers Anonymous' newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, 'Peek-a-boo!'
18. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing 'Born Free.'

A Marine and Navyman are in the bathroom together, and the Marine goes to leave without washing his hands.

"Hey," says the Navyman, "in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands."

"In the Marines, they teach us not to piss on our hands."

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, 'You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.

The first man went down yelling, 'Beerrr!!!' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.

The second guy went down the slide yelling,'lemonadeee!!!' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.

The third guy went down the slide yelling 'wheeeeeeeee!!!'