Gross jokes

A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The bartender says, 'He isn't here but I can do anything the manger can do for you.' By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his mouth and is letting him suck on her fingers.
She says, 'You're sure he isn't here?'
The bartender says, 'Yes, I'm very sure.'
The lady says, 'Well, I just wanted to tell him there's no toilet paper or soap in the women's restroom.'

You so ugly, last time you got ass was when your toilet paper broke!

Why'd the condom cross the road?

He got pissed off!

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”