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the facts of life
 
 
A man walking his son in the park one day came upon two dogs humpin' The son turns to his dad and asks, “Dad what are those dogs doing?” The dad says, “Son I'm about to teach you a very important thing about life, what them dogs are doing is…”

The father can't do it. He thinks of all the questions his son will have. He tries again, “Son them two dogs are…” He stops again and decides to wait until the boy is older.

“Son, you see that dog on top, well his two front paws are hurt and that dog on the bottom is helping him home.” The son turns to his father and says, “You're right dad, that is a very important thing in life to learn.” The dad asks, “Do you know why that is, son?”

The son replies, “Because every time you try to help someone out you always get screwed.”

doggy style
 
 
Q: Why does a dog lick himself?

A: Because he can't make a fist.

definition of agony
 
 
Agony: a one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.
rosebud
 
 
There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother. One night, the granddaughter came bouncing down the stairs dressed to go out to a party wearing a see-through blouse without a bra. Her grandmother told her to go back upstairs and "dress decent".

'No, I want to show off my rosebuds!' she said and bounded out the door. The next day, the granddaughter came outside to find her grandmother on the porch wearing a see-through blouse without a bra.

'Grandmother! What are you doing? A couple of other friends are coming over any time now! Please go change your blouse, I'm so embarrassed!'

'No. If you can show off them rosebuds then I can show off my hanging baskets.'


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