Gross jokes

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Gross


little johnny gives to the sick
 
 
Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday Mass when he suddenly felt nauseous.

"Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!"

She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you."

So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face.

"Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"

"I didn't have to go that far, mom.

Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK.'

don't kick the animals, man
 
 
A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his mother. She said, "Not until you feed the animals."

The boy went outside and said to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicked the chicken. He did the same with the cow and the pig. The boy then went back into the house and told his mother he was hungry. His mother said, "I saw you kick the chicken so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow so you're not getting any milk and I saw kick the pig so you're not getting any bacon."

Just then the boy's father walked down the steps and tripped over and kicked the cat and the boy said, "Mom should I tell him?"

kleenex
 
 
How do you get a Kleenex to dance?

Put a little boogie in it!

malcolm in the puddle
 
 
Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo?

Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first.

Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz.

Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p?

Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!


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