Sexuality jokes

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice gazongas," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

Three girls are sitting around, totally bored so one girl suggests that they make up nicknames for their ideal boyfriends and name them after soda pops.

"I want mine to be 7-Up, 'cause 7 days a week he's up."

"I want mine to be Mountain Dew 'cause when he's in between my mountains, we'll be doing it."

"Mine's gonna be Jack Daniel's."

"You can't do that. Here we are talking about soda pop and you're talking about a hard liquor."

"Exactly."

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York.

The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions."

"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."

Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.

"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."

The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"

The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.

"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis."

A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"

There was this Indian who just came back from a war. He needed something to do or, more accurately, someone to do. So he goes to a whorehouse and the madam asks, “Do you have money?” The Indian responds, “Me have money.” The madam asks, “Do you have experience?” The Indian shakes his head no and the madam tells him, “Come back with some experience.”
So the Indian is wandering around the woods, wondering where he is going to get experience. He then sees a small hole in a tree. He sticks it in the hole, does his business and goes back to the whorrehouse. The madam asks “Do you have money?” The Indian responds, “Me have money.” The madam asks, “Do you have experience?” The Indian says, “Me have a little experience.”
The madam directs him to a door and, when the Indian walks in he sees a girl on the bed. He picks her up, turns her around, and kicks her square in the ass. The girl exclaims, “Why did you do that?!” He replies, “I have to make sure you don't have bees in you!”