Sexuality jokes

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him.

"What you staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?"

"Yeah. I screwed a parrot once. I was wondering if you were my son?"

There was an old lady and her dog who lived on the coast.

Every day she and the dog would take a stroll along the beach. One day she stumbled across a bottle. She rubbed the bottle and a genie popped out, who said "You have three wishes." The old granny said "I want a million dollars." Within moments, she was sitting on a pile of cash.

Then she said, "I want my old house to become a mansion." Immediately, her house became a palace. Then she made her last wish: "I want to become a beautiful young lady and my dog to be my handsome young husband." "Done," the genie said and, as the lady and her dog were transformed, the genie disappeared.

The woman took her things and went home. Then she hopped into bed and took her new, handsome husband with her. Then he turned to her and said, "Now aren't you thrilled you had me neutered?"

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted children, but didn't know how to go about it. Questions and conversations with friends and relatives proved no help, until a neighbor said they should go to town and ask the Big City Doctor. The doctor let them look at a child's book about where babies came from, but to no avail. He tried his own explanation but was met with blank stares. Exasperated, he took them to his private office, and showed them a porno movie. This was also useless. Angrily, he ordered the girl to strip, told the man to watch, and had sex with her on the couch.

'Now, do you understand?' he asked.

'I just have one question. How many times a week do I have to bring her in for this?'