Sexuality jokes

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

'It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?'

How are men like computers?

They don't work until they're turned on.

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow. The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow's butt, and blew into the tube until the cow's eyes straightened out. The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy. About a week later, the cow's eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired hand over, and together they put a tube up the cow's butt. The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked his hired hand to give it a try. The hired hand removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow's butt and started to blow.

"What are you doing?" asked the farmer, horrified.

"Well, I wasn't gonna use the side that YOU had put your lips on."

A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs.

"That is something you're never going to talk about again. And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth." Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared. One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married. On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there.

"No," he said, "it's got teeth."

"Silly goose!" she said. She spread her legs wide for him to see. "See? No teeth!"

"Well, I'm not surprised," the man said."Not with gums like that."