Sexuality jokes

The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." So, of course, he also fled.

Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you."

The man replies 'You're 30, right?' She says 'No, I'm 47, but nice try.'

The next day, she goes to McDonald's. She orders her lunch and asks the young man at the counter, 'How old do you think I am?'

The man replies, 'You're 37, right?'

The lady says 'No, I'm 47, but good guess.'

After lunch, she gets on the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is. He replies 'Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my hand down her panties.'

So, quietly and quickly, she lets him do so. He thinks a moment and announces, 'You're 47!'

The lady, astonished, asks, 'How did you know?'

The old man replies 'I was standing right behind you at McDonald's.'

She answers, "No, but he'll back in about 30 minutes. You can stay and wait for him if you want." The friend agrees and enters the house.

As the wife is about to enter the bedroom the friend says, "If you flash me I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The wife thinks about it, and decides that she does need some money of her own. So she agrees and flashes him. She was about to leave the room when he says, "If you model nude for me until your husband gets home, I'll give you two hundred dollars." She thinks about it and agrees. A couple of minutes later he says, "If you have sex with me, I'll give you three hundred dollars." She thinks about it and agrees.

After the sex, he leaves, saying he had other buisness to get to. She thinks happily about the six hundred dollars and what she would do with it. Her husband comes home and she says, "Honey, your friend came over today."

He replies, "Oh? Did he have the six hundred dollars he owed me?"

The next day she went into the room and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board, and each day it was written in larger letters.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"