Sexuality jokes

A man is away on business, at a convention for marvellous machines. He found a long corridor lined with machines and decided to try a few. The first he came to was called 'The Wonder Cut'. He inserted his money and did as he was told to do by the instructions. He lay back in the chair and after a few minutes the machine stopped and he hopped out of the chair, with the best hair cut he had ever had.

Further down the corridor he came to a machine that said, 'For the best shave every insert here', so he inserted his money in and place his face in the slot. And sure enough his face had the best shave he had ever had.

He walked on down the corridor until he came to the last machine. It said 'for the man who has been away from his wife for a long time and is in dire need.. The rest of the words were rubbed of but he got the general idea. He made sure no one was looking and inserted his money, undid his fly and placed his 'thing' in the hole. The machine rumbled and after a few minutes of extreme pain he withdrew his thing from the hole with a new shiny button neatly sewed on the end.

What's the difference between a fat woman and a virgin?

A fat woman's trying to diet, and the virgin's dying to try it!

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.

"Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you created me and all of this beautiful garden and all of these amazing animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a man, Lord?" "Man will be a flawed creature, with many wreteched traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time.

But... he'll be bigger, stronger, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll make him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs.

He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds wonderful!" says Eve, " but what's the catch, Lord?"

Well... you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret... You know, woman to woman."

A woman wearing a strapless gown and sporting a necklace with an airplane as the locket sees a young man staring at her at length during a party.

After the party the woman asks: "Wear you admiring my airplane?"

Man:"No, I was admiring the landing field."