Sexuality jokes

Bloke: Would you shag me for a million pounds?

Bird: Yes.

Bloke: Would you shag me for a fiver?

Bird: No, what do you take me for?

Bloke: I've already figured that one out. I'm just figuring out the price.

There was this Indian who just came back from a war. He needed something to do or, more accurately, someone to do. So he goes to a whorehouse and the madam asks, “Do you have money?” The Indian responds, “Me have money.” The madam asks, “Do you have experience?” The Indian shakes his head no and the madam tells him, “Come back with some experience.”
So the Indian is wandering around the woods, wondering where he is going to get experience. He then sees a small hole in a tree. He sticks it in the hole, does his business and goes back to the whorrehouse. The madam asks “Do you have money?” The Indian responds, “Me have money.” The madam asks, “Do you have experience?” The Indian says, “Me have a little experience.”
The madam directs him to a door and, when the Indian walks in he sees a girl on the bed. He picks her up, turns her around, and kicks her square in the ass. The girl exclaims, “Why did you do that?!” He replies, “I have to make sure you don't have bees in you!”

Man who stuffs his own sausage, pounds his own meat.

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.

At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At last they're finally together."

A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"

"I mean her legs!"