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Sexuality


pow wow ow!
 
 
There was this Indian who just came back from a war. He needed something to do or, more accurately, someone to do. So he goes to a whorehouse and the madam asks, “Do you have money?” The Indian responds, “Me have money.” The madam asks, “Do you have experience?” The Indian shakes his head no and the madam tells him, “Come back with some experience.”
So the Indian is wandering around the woods, wondering where he is going to get experience. He then sees a small hole in a tree. He sticks it in the hole, does his business and goes back to the whorrehouse. The madam asks “Do you have money?” The Indian responds, “Me have money.” The madam asks, “Do you have experience?” The Indian says, “Me have a little experience.”
The madam directs him to a door and, when the Indian walks in he sees a girl on the bed. He picks her up, turns her around, and kicks her square in the ass. The girl exclaims, “Why did you do that?!” He replies, “I have to make sure you don't have bees in you!”
sex and air
 
 
Sex is like air. It's not important unless you're not getting any!
safe sex: grandparent to teen
 
 

    A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.

    Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"

    Grandpa replies, "Nope."

    Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"

    Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."

no more labor pains
 
 
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon arrival the doctor said that he had invented a machine that would transfer a portion of the labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob at 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to bump the machine up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20%. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At 50% the husband was still holding up fine, since this was obviously helping out his wife he encouraged the doctor to transfer all of the pain.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were absolutely thrilled. Everything was great until they got home and found the mailman dead on their porch.

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