Sexuality jokes

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sex relatively speaking
"Dad," asked son, "What's that shriveled up old thing on Grandma?"

Dad replied 'That's Grandpa!"

counting condoms
A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.

Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"

Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."

Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"

Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."

Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"

Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

the horny guy and the whorehouse
There is this extremely horny guy who loves to have sex with everyone except his wife. One day, he is going on a buisness trip, and before he leaves, his wife says, 'I'll leave you if you sleep with anyone on your trip.'

He is driving to his destination, and he sees a sign that says 'Church of Latter-Day Saints Whorehouse -- 10 miles.' He thinks to himself, 'I'll just ignore it or my wife will leave me.' There is a sign for it every mile, so he finally breaks down and goes where the sign says to go. He knocks on the door of the whorehouse and a nun comes to the door. The man says, 'Where can I get a whore?'
The nun says, 'I'll need $500 first.' The man says okay and pays, then asks about his whore again. The nun replies, 'We will need another $100.' The man pays then asks for his whore again. The nun says 'Okay, see that hallway. Wait for 15 minutes. Go straight, left, straight, right and you'll see a door.'

He follows the directions, walks out the door and finds himself in the parking lot. His car has a sign on it that says, 'Congrats. You have just been screwed by the Church of Latter-Day Saints.'

sleep now
Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's side. 'Sleep now, its all right,' he told her.

But she kept trying to sit up and said, 'Honey, I really need to tell you something.'

Finally Jake let her get it off her chest.

'Jake, honey, I need to tell you something before I die. During the last two months, I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father.'

'Don't worry about it,' Jake said, 'I already know. Why do you think I poisoned you?'

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