Sexuality jokes

"I tried with my right hand until it gave out, and I tried with my left hand until it gave out," said the man.

"And I tried with both hands until they gave out," said the woman. "And we still can't get the lid off the jar."

A. Because when they take it off you wonder where her boobs went.

    If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it.  This is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet.

    It will re-write your hard drive.  Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.

    It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles.

    It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on  your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

    It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number.

    It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

    It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.  Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened criminal.

    It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.

    It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their dates and rendezvous to your Visa card. Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.

    It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub it will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole.

    It is insidious and subtle.  It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.

    It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.  These are just a few signs.

Be very, very afraid.