Sexuality jokes

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Sexuality


naked man on the run
 
 
A man was having an affair with a married woman. When her husband had gone to work, her secret lover came 'round. Just as they got down to business, the door bell went. The woman went and peered out of the curtains to see who it was.

"Oh no, it's my husband, he must have forgotten something."

The woman went downstairs, and the man jumped out of the window before he was seen. He was totally starkers, so hid behind a bush. About an hour later, a nudist group ran by, doing a marathon. He quickly jumped up, and joined them.

After a while, he got talking to one of them, "So how long have you been a nudist?" a man asked him.

"Not long" he replied "what about that?" the other man said to him, pointing to the condom the man was wearing.

"Oh, it was raining when I came out" the man replied.

shave and a hair cut
 
 
A man is away on business, at a convention for marvellous machines. He found a long corridor lined with machines and decided to try a few. The first he came to was called 'The Wonder Cut'. He inserted his money and did as he was told to do by the instructions. He lay back in the chair and after a few minutes the machine stopped and he hopped out of the chair, with the best hair cut he had ever had.

Further down the corridor he came to a machine that said, 'For the best shave every insert here', so he inserted his money in and place his face in the slot. And sure enough his face had the best shave he had ever had.

He walked on down the corridor until he came to the last machine. It said 'for the man who has been away from his wife for a long time and is in dire need.. The rest of the words were rubbed of but he got the general idea. He made sure no one was looking and inserted his money, undid his fly and placed his 'thing' in the hole. The machine rumbled and after a few minutes of extreme pain he withdrew his thing from the hole with a new shiny button neatly sewed on the end.
sex over-easy
 
 
These two eggs had just been married and were on their honeymoon.

While they were sitting on the bed making out, the female egg pushed the male egg away and said, "I just have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute." and off she went.

Five minutes later, the male egg saw his sexy wife walk out in a slinky ‘egg’lige, wiping her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.

Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely.

The female egg looked at him and asked what he was doing.

He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon!"

potato in the pants
 
 
James was on the beach, and could not understand why Bob had attracted all the girls, while he had no luck. So he asked Rich "why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?"

Bob replied "take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!"

So James stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up and down the beach. Several hours later, he still had no woman.

James went to see Bob again and said "I've tried the potato and it doesn't work!"

Bob looked at James and asked, "have you tried putting the potato in the front?"


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