Sexuality jokes

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

He asked her where she was going and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas."

He asked her why she was going.

She told him, "I just found out that as a woman I can make $400 a night doing what I give you for free."

He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.

His wife said, "And just where do you think you are going?"

"I'm going too!" he replied.

"Why?" she asked.

"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!"

Q. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?

A. Beat it! We're closed.

A man is away on business, at a convention for marvellous machines. He found a long corridor lined with machines and decided to try a few. The first he came to was called 'The Wonder Cut'. He inserted his money and did as he was told to do by the instructions. He lay back in the chair and after a few minutes the machine stopped and he hopped out of the chair, with the best hair cut he had ever had.

Further down the corridor he came to a machine that said, 'For the best shave every insert here', so he inserted his money in and place his face in the slot. And sure enough his face had the best shave he had ever had.

He walked on down the corridor until he came to the last machine. It said 'for the man who has been away from his wife for a long time and is in dire need.. The rest of the words were rubbed of but he got the general idea. He made sure no one was looking and inserted his money, undid his fly and placed his 'thing' in the hole. The machine rumbled and after a few minutes of extreme pain he withdrew his thing from the hole with a new shiny button neatly sewed on the end.

Q: Do you know why Bill Clinton doesn't use bookmarks?

A: Because he likes to bend pages!