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lose 20 lbs. guaranteed!
 
 
There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful naked woman with a sign that says "If you catch me, you can screw me." An hour later, he emerges, sated and 20 lbs. lighter.

A month later, he returns and needs to lose 50 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs again, but this time there are two girls with the same sign. A day later, he comes out 50 lbs. lighter.

A year later, he returns and needs to lose 100 lbs. He gets sent upstairs again, where he finds a huge gorilla with a sign that reads "If I catch you, I screw you."

barbie's christmas beau
 
 
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."

so you want to marry a millionaire ?
 
 
A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said,'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.' So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10-meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
'That was incredible!' she said.
'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along.' So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
'That was incredible!" he said. "Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.'
yo mama like a stamp
 
 
Yo mama is like a postage stamp - you lick, you stick, you send her away.

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