Sexuality jokes

There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom. The other two men started talking. One man said, 'So what's new in your life?'
The other responded, 'Well I just found out my son got a promotion. He used to be a janitor at the bank and now he is an executive. On top of that there's someone special in his life. He just bought his new love a brand new Lexus.'
The other man says, 'My son also got a promotion and he has decided to settle down. He bought his new love a new house on the beach.'
The third man comes back from the bathroom. He looked kind of upset so the other two men asked what's eating him. He responded, 'I just found out that my son is gay. The good part is his lover bought him a brand new Lexus and a new house on the beach.'

What do you call a prostitute's children?

Brothel Sprouts!

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.

"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

How are men like computers?

They don't work until they're turned on.