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'No, I want to show off my rosebuds!' she said and bounded out the door. The next day, the granddaughter came outside to find her grandmother on the porch wearing a see-through blouse without a bra.
'Grandmother! What are you doing? A couple of other friends are coming over any time now! Please go change your blouse, I'm so embarrassed!'
'No. If you can show off them rosebuds then I can show off my hanging baskets.'
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"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's using my hand."
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"I'm so sorry!" the man said.
"Don't worry about it. Anyway, you caught me. I'm a leprechaun and you have managed to stop me. You get three wishes."
"Oh, no, I don't want the wishes. Just as long as you're okay." The leprechaun thought the man was so nice he decided to grant three wishes for him. He gave him unlimited money, terrific health, and a great sex life. The man came back to the golf course the next year and recognized that same leprechaun.
"How're you doing?" asked the leprechaun.
"Oh, terrific. Everytime I stick my hand in my pocket a 100 dollar bill comes out and I've eaten nothing but Snickers bars for a year and I'm at my ideal weight and can run a mile faster than anyone."
"How's your sex life?" asked the leprechaun.
"Fantastic! I'm up to twice a week now!"
"Twice a week? Why so little? I gave you a great sex life wish!"
"Hey, it's not bad for a priest!"
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If you have to chew before you swallow.
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