Sexuality jokes

"Sir, could you tell me what you use vaseline for?"

"Hmm...well, dry lips, dry skin, and, of course, sex."

"Sex?"

"Well, me and the missus put a little vaseline on the doorknob..."

"Yeah?"

"And it keeps the kids out."

"Oh, my child," he said, "your dress is most lovely."

"Thank you, Father," she replied.

The radio was playing and they danced a little as they talked.

"Oh, my child," said the priest, "your conversation is most lovely."

"Thank you, Father," said the prostitute.

Finally, the priest sat her down and said, "Oh, my child, there is one thing I have against you."

And the prostitute said, "Yes, I know, Father. I felt it while we were dancing."

"I know! We can take off our underwear, and then when our husbands notice, we can say we don't have enough money even for knickers!"

Everybody thought this was a good idea, so they went home to try it. When the English wife's husband noticed, he gave her 200 pounds to go shopping with. When the Irish wife's husband noticed, he gave her his credit card. The next day, they all three met up to discuss how it went. The Irish wife and the English wife were all dressed up in their new clothes, but the Scottish wife was still in rags. The other two demanded to know what had happened.

"Well," said the Scottish wife. "As I was gardening, I bent over to show him I wasn't wearing any undies. But when he saw, he gave 40p to get a comb!"