Sexuality jokes

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Sexuality


what men want
 
 
  1. More beer. More cheese. More sex.
  2. Vitamin fortified cigars.
  3. Public beer fountains.
  4. Kitty catapults.
  5. All day happy hour at a lesbian Hooters.
  6. Wet T-shirt Fridays.
  7. Replace NFL linebackers with genetically bred velociraptors.
  8. Rocket boots.
  9. Machine gun camp.
  10. NASA space shuttle races.
  11. Sledgehammer boxing.
  12. Girlfriend TiVO so you can pause, rewind, and delete arguments.
  13. Congressional pie fights.
  14. Government research grants to build the perfect chicken parmesan hero.
  15. More beer. More cheese. More sex.
  16. Tomahawk missile surf boards.
  17. Hot tub jury boxes.
  18. Nacho cheese lipstick.
  19. Personal midget-ninja chauffeurs.
  20. New TV shows: PBS' The BBQ Hour, Total Kung-Fu Live, and America's Funniest Farts.
  21. 24-hour, on call UN negotiator for when you stumble home late, drunk, with lipstick stains on your collar.
  22. More beer. More cheese. More sex.
  23. Condoms that whistle, whir, and honk when used.
  24. Inflatable sex dolls who cook.
  25. Beef jerky business cards.
  26. Combination briefcase/pizza oven.
  27. National Make-Out with Cheerleaders Day.
  28. Art museums dedicated to framing copy-machine faxes of asses.
  29. Robot gloves for crushing kegs of beer.
  30. Karaoke "ejector" stages.
  31. Opera glasses that broadcast ESPN.
  32. The Astronaut Reserves.
  33. Porno without all the "talking" filler.
  34. Head banging elevated to "fine art".
  35. All money spent on women tax deductible!
  36. Free BBQ buffet at the DMV.
  37. Passports to Margaritaville.
  38. The ability to telepathically force anyone to belch on the spot.
  39. One "Get Out of the Doghouse" card.
thirsty whale
 
 
What did the thirsty whale do?
Bit the tail of a submarine and sucked out all the seamen.
ed zachery disease
 
 
There once was a very distraught woman, who was upset because she had not had a date in quite some time. She decided she would seek the medical expertise of Dr. Kayoto, the very well-known Japanese sex therapist. After stepping into his office and explaining her problem, he asked her to take off all her clothes.

"Now," he said. "Get down and craw reery reery srory to odder side of room." The woman did.

"Now," he said. "Now craw reery reery fass back to me." The woman did. The Dr. looked at her mournfully and said "I vely solly. Your probrem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachery Disease."

"Ed Zachery Disease? What's that?"

"Vewy sad. It's when your face rook Ed Zachery rike your ass."

newlyweds
 
 
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, 'How was the honeymoon?'

'Oh, mama,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic...'

Suddenly she burst out crying. 'But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!'

'Sarah,' her mother said, 'calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?'

'Please don't make me tell you, mama,' wept the daughter, 'I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!'

'Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset....Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!'

Still sobbing, the bride said, 'Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!'


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