Sexuality jokes

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Sexuality


three couples, no sex
 
 
Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

'Can of PAINT!' exclaimed the minister.

'Yeah,' said the newlywed man. 'She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over.'

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

'That's okay,' said the man. 'We're not welcome in Home Depot either.'

mopeds and fat ladies
 
 
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?

They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
dirty limerick
 
 
A man comes home to his wife, and he is chuckling. His wife asks him what is so funny.

'A limerick I heard today at work. But I can't tell you,' he says. 'It's too dirty.'

'Don't worry, I've heard them all,' she replies.

'I really can't, it's the dirtiest limerick that I have ever heard!'

'OK,' his wife says. 'How about you tell it, but substitute the word 'beep' in the place of the really dirty words.'

'Fine,' he says. 'Here goes: Beep beep-beep beep beep-beep beep beep, beep beep-beep beep beep-beep beep beep. Beep-beep beep beep beep, beep-beep beep beep beep, beep beep-beep beep beep-beep beep.'

it ain't margarita
 
 
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A Dry Martinez!

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