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Sexuality


first cut is the deepest
 
 
Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, "Hey, what're you in for?"

"I'm getting my tonsils out. I'm a little worried," said Tim.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Sammy said. "I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got to eat all the ice cream and Jell-O I wanted for two weeks!"

"Oh yeah?' replied Tim. "That's not half-bad. So, Sammy, how about you? What're you here for?"

"I'm getting a circumcision, whatever that is," Sammy answered.

"Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn't walk for two years!"

gorilla in heat
 
 
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem was that she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Now Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the female gorilla.

So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the gorilla for five hundred bucks?

Mike replied that he might be interested, but would have to think the matter over.

The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her."

"Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."

The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what could be the third?

"Well," said Mike, "You've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks."

wife's work on the sly
 
 
A man hails a taxi, and gets inside.

"5th and Main, please."

"You again?" says the taxi driver. "This is the 4th time I've dropped you and your wife off at work."

"Really? My wife doesn't work."

"Yes, she does. I drop her off there everyday, about an hour after I drive you to work."

"There?"

"Behind the Tillman & Lane department store."

"Interesting," says the man. "Tell you what. Pick me up in two hours, and I want you to show me where my wife works." So two hours later, the taxi arrives and takes the man to whorehouse behind Tillman & Lane.

"Hold on," said the driver. "I'll be right back."

There's a huge commotion after the driver goes in, with cursing and screaming and the sounds of breaking furniture. The driver comes out with a woman in a headlock.

"That's not my wife!" exclaims the man.

"I know. She's mine. I'm going back in for yours."

women and pool tables
 
 
What is the difference between a woman a pool table?

On the pool table, you put the balls in the hole and the stick stays out.

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