the golden mug
A guy walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on a shelf above the bartender and it said Win this...free beer for LIFE! The man walked up to the bartender and asked how do I win this golden mug? The bartender replied, See that drunken man over there? Knock him out in one punch. See that dog? He has a toothache but noone can get the tooth out. Take the tooth out. See that old lady? She hasn't been screwed in a while so...screw her.
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The man walks over to the drunk man and knocks him out with one punch. Then, he goes over to the dog and brings him into the back alley. The bartender hears some noises and then the man comes back in with a pair of pliers and says, Where's the old lady with a toothache?
who is marylou?!?
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
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"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."'
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."
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