Sexuality jokes

Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail."

So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday.

So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did.

'I got 17 people to get off drugs,' says the first guy.

'Wow, how'd you do that?' asks the judge.

'I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.'

'Oh, that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.'

'Wow. How'd you do that?' asked the judge.

'Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your butthole before prison...'

'Passionate kiss, like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.'
'Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone!'
'Man who run behind car get exhausted'
'Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day'
'Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.'
'Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok'
'Man with one chopstick go hungry.'
'Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.'
'Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.'
'Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!'
'Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.'
'War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.'
'Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.'
'Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.'
'Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!'
'Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!'
'It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.'
'Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!'
'Man who sit on tack get point!'
'Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!'
'Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.'
'He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.'
'Man who farts in church sits in own pew.'
'Man who jumps from tall building, jumps to conclusion'.
'Crowded elevator smells different to midget."

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you." = Let's have sex now.

"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

and FINALLY... (while shopping) "I like that one better." = Just pick ANY dress and let's go home!

One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, “penis” written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson. The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.
Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find “penis” on the board, a little larger each time. She went in one morning, expecting to dinf it again, but instead the chalkboard read: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.”