Sexuality jokes

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Sexuality


the lady and the facelift
 
 
A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well and she enjoys showing off her new look. She goes to the newsstand and asks the man, 'Sir, how old do you think I am'?

The man replies 'You're 30, right?' She says 'No, I'm 47, but nice try.'

The next day, she goes to McDonald's. She orders her lunch and asks the young man at the counter, 'How old do you think I am?'

The man replies, 'You're 37, right?'

The lady says 'No, I'm 47, but good guess.'

After lunch, she gets on the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is. He replies 'Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my hand down her panties.'

So, quietly and quickly, she lets him do so. He thinks a moment and announces, 'You're 47!'

The lady, astonished, asks, 'How did you know?'

The old man replies 'I was standing right behind you at McDonald's.'

river deep
 
 
One day two kids were wandering around near a stream. One of the boys wandered off near a bush and the other wandered farther down stream. The boy who was wandering down stream started to get lonely, so he went to find his other friend. When he got to the bush were his friend was he saw a naked woman and ran away. The boy that was here for a long time got curios and ran after him and asked, "Why did you run away."

The other boy said, "My mom said that if I were to ever see a naked woman I would turn to stone. Then I felt something get very hard so I ran."

sex relatively speaking
 
 
"Dad," asked son, "What's that shriveled up old thing on Grandma?"

Dad replied 'That's Grandpa!"

counting condoms
 
 
A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.

Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"

Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."

Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"

Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."

Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"

Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."


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