Sexuality jokes

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Sexuality


accident on the golf course
 
 
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."

The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."

He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

elephant and man
 
 
What did the elephant say to the naked man?

'It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?'

nuns on the run
 
 
Two nuns are riding a bike down a road and the first nun says, 'I've never come this way before!'

The second nun says, 'Oh, it must be the cobblestone!'

president clinton & the pope
 
 
President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul-up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil who acknowledged the error. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem. The next day, the Pope was sent off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down. They stopped to chat.

"Sorry about the mix-up" said the Pope. "Though I'm really excited about going to heaven."

"Why's that?"

"I've always wanted to meet the Virgin Mary."

"You're about a day late."


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