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One week Ian never turned up, but Edna thought nothing of it. Three more weeks went by, and again Ian never turned up. By this time Edna was very concerned about him. She phoned him up and asked, "Where have you been the last four Saturdays?"
Ian replied, "I have been round at Margret's house."
Shocked Edna shouted, "MARGRET? She is 98 years old, what the hell has she got that I haven't?"
Ian answered, "Parkinson's desease!"
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A: Neither knew when to pull out!
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I'll be leaving before the next round.
2. "I'll get this round and the next one is on you." Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $3.50.
3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?"
I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.
4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female)
I'm easy.
5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male)
I'm gay.
6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female)
I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.
7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male)
If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?
8. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female)
You are paying more attention to your friends than me.
9. I don't feel well, let's go home." (male)
I'm horny.
10. "Who's got the next round?"
I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.
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She yells, "Doctor, Doctor my breasts are hairy! What do I do?"
The doctor asks, "Well, how long does the hair grow?"
The lady replies, "From here to my penis, but that's a different story!"
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