Sexuality jokes

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Sexuality


friendly neighbors
 
 
A blond was taking a shower when the doorbell rang. Her husband, in the bathroom downstairs, yells for her to get the door. She throws a towel on and runs down to open the door. It was their Chinese neighbor, Way Hung. He says to the blonde, "If you drop your towel, I will give you $500, so she drops her towel. Keeping his promise, Way Hung gives her the money he owes her and leaves. The blonde closes the door and goes back to the bathroom. Her husband asks her, "Who was that? The blonde replies, "Oh, that was our Chinese neighbor. I don't know what he wanted though. Her husband then asks, "Did he mention anything about the $500 he owes me?"
drastic diet
 
 
A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. 'Guaranteed my ass,' he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day/ 10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of NIKE running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me you can have me!'

Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, 'I like the way this company does business.'

The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.

So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but REEBOK running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/ 50 pound loss program.
'Are you sure,' asks the representative on the phone, 'this is our most rigorous program...'
'Absolutely,' he replies. ' I haven't felt this great in years!'

The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, I have you!!'

don't welsh on me
 
 
Why do the Welsh shag sheep on cliff edges?
So the sheep push back harder!
viva las vegas
 
 
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags and he asks, "Where are you going?" he asked.

"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men who will pay me $400 to do what I do for you for free!"

The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.

"Going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you'll live on $800 a year!"


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