Sexuality jokes

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous woman eating at the next table. He had been checking her out all night, but lacked the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of its socket towards the man. With lightning quick reflexes, he caught it in mid-air.

'Oh my gosh, I am so sorry,' she said as she popped her eye back in the socket. 'Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invited him back to her place for a drink. They went back to her house, and after some time, she took him into her bedroom and began undressing him. The couple had wild, passionate sex many times during the night. The next morning when he awoke, she had already gotten up and brought him breakfast in bed.

The guy was amazed and said 'You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No, she replied. "You just happened to catch my eye!'

Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they?

A: His left hand and his right hand.

A man at a retirement home was walking around with his zipper down holding his penis.

A young nurse says "Why are you doing that?"

He replies,"It died today."

"Oh that's terrible!", the nurse replied

The next day the man has his penis hanging outside of his pants again.

The same nurse says, "I thought it died yesterday."

The man replies, "It did. Today is the viewing"

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, 'Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty !' shouted Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'Jesus Christ!' shouted Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good,' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, 'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!' The Teacher fainted.