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"No!" said his wife. "Don't kill those pigs!"
"I'm not going to kill them. I'm moving the pen closer to the house."
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A young lady immediately raised her hand and said, "Tell me, how do you make it last an hour?"
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--I'm wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home with.
"I'm not used to these darts."
--I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I am
this bombed.
"You get this one, next round is on me."
--We won't be here long enough to get another round.
"I'll get this one, next one is on you."
--Happy hour is about to end...now drafts are a dollar, but by the
next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.
"Lets get out of here."
--I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that Harley guy's helmet.
"Can I get a glass of white zinfindel?"
--I'm gay.
"Ever try a body shot?" (Male to female)
--I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick
you.
"I've had like 10 beers already."
--I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.
"Who's got the next round?"
--I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at
diverting attention.
"Excuse Me." (male to female)
--I am going to grope you now.
"I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning."
--I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 bucks and have been
avoiding him since football season.
"What do you have on tap?"
--What's cheap?
"Can I just get a glass of water?"
--It's 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking 1/2 hour ago. Hell, I
probably dropped half of my paycheck in here last night, so it's the least you can do for
me.
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A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman and the other is a chocolate lab!
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